I know, I’ve been MIA. Here’s why.
October 2, 2018 16 CommentsCategory: IVF Journey, Motherhood, My Story
Tags: IVF, Infertility, MS, multiple sclerosis
The last time I posted a blog entry was in May, which I guess was about 5 months ago. Wow, it’s been a long time.
The truth is, our life has been anything but “normal” since then, and after much debate, I’ve decided to finally open up about what’s been going on.
Let me first say that life isn’t always rainbows and smiles. Yes, we all know that – and all experience ups and downs – yet it almost seems socially unacceptable to post about anything other than cute babies, delicious meals, or wonderful vacations. I’ll be the first person to admit that I am guilty of that too. I think we can all agree that it’s easier to focus on the good, right? The truth is that talking about personal topics can be painful and even borders on socially inappropriate (some things are just private.. right?). But in the spirit of continuing my transparency around my MS and authentically telling my story in the hopes of helping others, I’ve decided to share this less than “like” worthy news. So here it goes.
We’ve been struggling to have a second child for a while now, and my doctors believe the progression of my MS is the culprit. My egg quality isn’t what it should be for someone my age, which apparently is common with severe autoimmune diseases. Deteriorated egg quality can make it hard to not only get pregnant but to stay pregnant too.
As a result, we’ve seen several doctors, gotten multiple opinions, have undergone IVF, and are slowly paving our way to the second child we’ve always wanted. This certainly wasn’t in our plan, but this has become part of our journey.
The last several months have been physically and emotionally draining to say the least. Between the seemingly endless medications, hormones, and MS symptoms, I haven’t felt like myself. It’s affected my mood, my health, my relationships, and even my sense of self.
Those who know me well know that I am a determined person who goes after what I want wholeheartedly. But infertility isn’t something you can will away or work hard to overcome. You can only do so much and the rest is really out of your control.
So, over the last several months, we started a more aggressive path to have a second child, which included IVF (in vitro fertilization). While we kept this private, I have been tracking our journey through (unpublished) blog posts since writing has always been an outlet for me. I also knew that eventually – when I felt stronger and more level-headed – that I’d want to share what I’ve learned about the correlation between MS and infertility in the hopes of helping others, because I wish I had known more about this earlier myself. I wish someone had told me about the potential risks ahead. I wish I had asked more questions. I wish I had done more research. I wish I had advocated for myself and our family sooner.
This is the inspiration behind my new series of blog posts that are to come each week. To share with you our experience and hopefully help others gain insight, knowledge, or even support from our situation. Or perhaps, hearing about our experience makes you feel less alone in your own fertility journey or even just sheds light on this very real – very common – problem that affects 1 in 8 couples.
Infertility is painful but something that can make you stronger, bring you closer together and yes, even remind you to practice gratitude every day – even when things aren’t going your way. I’ve learned a lot on this journey so far and look forward to sharing this experience with you.
Stay tuned for follow-up posts each week. Since writing is an outlet for me, I’ve tracked our fertility journey through this difficult period in the posts written here. Due to the sensitivity of the topic, these blogs are not being posted in real-time. However, I wanted to share this experience and my continued journey with MS for others who may be struggling or are in a similar position. This problem is relatable for many and something that needs to be vocalized. I know how helpful it can be to learn and hear from others.