Let it be (#8)

November 18, 2018 5 Comments

Category: IVF Journey, Motherhood
Tags: Embryo transfer, IVF, IVF Journey, In-vitro fertilization

It’s been an emotional journey these past several months as we’ve embarked on our IVF journey. There’s been excitement and optimism and also many tears and feelings of discouragement that have made me question whether I would be able to physically carry our next baby. But finally, after 3 more weeks of medication where my doctor doubled my estrogen dose and mixed up my meds protocol, my doctor finally deemed my body “ready” for our embryo transfer.

Finally, we’d get a real shot at this.

As I put Chloe to bed before our big day (AKA transferring the embryo into my uterus) the song “Let it be” came on. It was the reminder that I needed to help ease my nerves….

“And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be,
There will be an answer, let it be.”

I thought about our journey and everything we went through…

I have done everything I can.

I have tried my best.

I’ve given it my all.

Now – the rest is left up to fate.

Let it be.

I carried that mentality into the surgical office as I waited for our turn to go in. I was surrounded by women in the waiting room – all of whom I knew were in the same boat as I was. You could see the nervousness all around; we all desperately wanted this to work.

The process was simple. They brought us back to a hospital-like room and made me get dressed into a gown. Bill also had to wear his own version of a gown to protect the sterile environment. They asked me to chug water and go into the procedure with a full bladder – this was painful, as our wait time seemed like forever.

Finally, our turn.

They took me back to a surgical room, and there was my RE and the embryologist who showed us an image of our embryo. We signed formal papers acknowledging which embryo they were inserting, including the gender which we selected. We had 2 embryos that were deemed “best” so we went with their recommendation and selected one. I then hopped onto a table, and Bill and I were able to watch them insert the embryo into my uterus on the ultrasound screen. It looked like a shooting star was heading up there and mid-way it stopped. The whole procedure was under 15 min – very quick – but the wait from there would be the hardest and longest yet.

Now, we wait and pray the embryo implants… Fingers crossed!

The embryo is in!

Due to the sensitivity of the topic, these blogs are not being posted in real-time. However, I wanted to share this experience and my continued journey with MS for others who may be struggling or are in a similar position. This problem is relatable for many and something that needs to be vocalized. I know how helpful it can be to learn and hear from others.